Knowing what to say to someone who’s had a miscarriage is really hard. I’ve been reminded of this recently after three wonderful women in our church shared with me the grief and horror of their recent miscarriages. Miscarriages, and infertility more generally, are really hard topics to talk about because they’re deeply personal by nature which means that sometimes people aren’t ready to share their struggle. And when someone is hurting or confused, our quick-fix comments can actually be inadvertently careless and insensitive. Or our desire not to offend means we find it easier to not say anything at all, leaving the women (and men) who are grieving feeling isolated or forgotten in their pain. So, what can we say or how can we love and encourage someone who’s experienced a miscarriage? And how can we bring the beautiful truth of the Bible into these conversations and care?
We follow an amazing Master, have a listen, “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?” (Matthew 5:46), “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” (Matthew 6:27), “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3), “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (Mark 4:40), “Do you love me?” (John 21:17).
These are just some of the thought-provoking, searching, passionate, deep, probing questions Jesus asks as he walks alongside his disciples. In the course of his ministry the gospels record Jesus asking 307 questions - that’s an awful lot! The people he ministers to ask him 183 questions. And here’s something truly surprising: He answers only three of them. Overwhelmingly, asking questions is a huge part of Jesus’ ministry and Newman thinks we have much to learn from the Master.